Deep (Luna's Story Book 3) Read online

  “I don't have to.”

  Beckett slammed his hand down. “Tell me what the sundries were.”

  “I have a cousin with a still.”

  “Yeah. So in exchange for unlimited moonshine my abusive drunk-ass uncle traded my land to you. Nicely played.”

  He scowled. “I'm not giving up one dime. Not one. Not one bit of land. It's mine. My grandfather gave it to my dad, who also kicked my ass pretty regularly, now that we're being truthful. So I guess I get it because of all that bullshit. All those black eyes, I guess I get my own land. And Dryden I'm not marrying you. Period.”

  Dryden's lower lip trembled. “But what about my brother? Beckett if anything happens to—”

  “I don't see how that has anything to do with me.”

  Luna placed her hand on Beckett's arm. He exhaled and blinked and turned to her and said softly, “I need a break.”

  Luna said, “Chickadee I think you and Dilly were planning to serve lunch. Could we have a short recess now while I speak with Beckett for a few minutes?”

  “Why yes dear, this is an excellent time for cucumber sandwiches. Will you be willing to stay Ted? We'll get back to this contract right after.”

  Dryden's father nodded. “We can stay, but I need you to understand Beckett, if you're thinking about fighting us on this, you'll lose. You were underage. Your uncle was allowed to make decisions. Whether you like them or not, I have a signature.”

  Beckett paused, choosing his words, but Luna gently pulled his arm. “Let's get some air” and led Beckett by the elbow to the front porch.

  Roscoe followed a step behind. “Beckett, a word.”

  Beckett turned with a sigh.

  “I know it doesn't seem like it, but this is going to be handled. I can make this go away. I have precedence in a case from Britain in the 1900s.”

  “Good, I'm trusting you.”

  “Now I'm going to go in and help Chickie and Dilly wrangle a lunch for these delusional people.” He winked and went back in the house leaving Luna and Beckett alone and awkward on the porch.

  “Beckett will you come with me to Sunset View?”

  He checked his watch. “I probably need to stay close—” But then he glanced at her eyes. They were asking, in the way they did, deep and dark and drawing him in. “Okay, for a few minutes.”

  Chapter 46

  Beckett and Luna stepped onto the small plateau at the top of the mountain. Luna had planted a small garden there, and for the first few months the plants had refused to flower, but now they had burst into a riot of blooms, purples and pinks mostly, the smell of lavender wafting around the old bench that had been there facing west for years.

  Luna dropped onto the seat. “Will you join me for a moment?”

  “I can't. I—” Beckett was struggling but then he lost, or won, depending on perspective. “Okay.”

  He sat beside her, stiffly, but then asked, “Can I?” When she nodded, he put both hands up inside her kimono on her stomach. “Baby kicking?”

  “A little, right here.” She moved his hand to feel the small flutter.

  Beckett closed his eyes.

  “I'm sorry I barged into the meeting.”

  Beckett leaned back and sighed. “It's okay, I don't know if I was handling it right asking you not to come. It's all so complicated that—”

  “And thank you for telling me about your uncle. I'm so sorry for little Beckie and what he dealt with.”

  Beckett stared off at the horizon for a few moments. “Well, it's the past. I'm trying to be future-based now.”

  Luna said, “Yeah.”

  They both stared at the horizon. Finally she asked, “How do you feel, in your heart?”

  “God Luna, I feel crappy. Like there’s a weight on my shoulders. I want to be with you, happy, waiting for the baby, just thinking about us and our future, but there’s all this crap I have to deal with. And it’s like all that past fear is back. My Uncle Jimmy is terrorizing me. Dryden is manipulating me. Her dad is eyeing my land. I just, don’t know how to handle it all.”

  “You love me right?”

  He kept his eyes on the horizon. “It’s not a big enough word for how I feel about you.”

  “So turn to me and look at me.”

  Beckett twisted in his seat.

  “You can put your hands on my stomach again if it helps.”

  Beckett put his hands on the sides of her stomach and closed his eyes.

  Luna said, “If this is all you focus on, then it will be easier, I think.”

  He nodded, his eyes still closed.

  “Tell me where you’ve been the happiest.”

  Beckett sat for a moment thinking. “I’ve never been happier than being with you on the deck of the boat. Wait — being with you on the Outpost.” He looked up at her. “Anytime in our bedroom. The barn the other day.” He grinned sheepishly. “Should I go on?”

  “All those times have one thing in common.”

  “Yeah. You.”

  “So focus here Beckett. Me, you, our baby. We take up this much space in the world.”

  “But my land is like an anchor dragging me away.”

  Luna said, “Yes, I know.” She turned to face the horizon again. “And that’s why I need to tell you about something.”

  “Sure, what?” Beckett watched her face.

  Luna took a deep breath filling her lungs with lavender and thin mountain air, crisp and warm. The combination causing her head to feel light, like it might pull her away, off up, into the stratosphere. Like a whisper, floating across the miles. “I haven't told you how I came to be alone. And it seems like this might be the right time.”

  Beckett reached out and took her hand in both of his and kept his eyes down focused there. That was good, because she could only do this if she could fly above him, not being seen. She had to speak this, there was no way to keep it inside anymore, but the speaking of it had to be quiet and still, unnoticed. So yes, Beckett needed to look away. The bee needed to keep buzzing. The flowers needed to waft about their own business. That was the way it had to be. “The night it happened there was a big storm. We knew it was coming. We had been talking about it all day. My dad decided we should paddle for an island. It wasn't too far. We thought we'd have enough time. But on this day we were slow — I think my mom didn't feel good...” Luna gulped and sniffed a deep breath.

  “I remember her complaining that she had cramps or...” Her voice trailed off again and a tear welled up in the corner of her eye.

  Beckett glanced up at her face, but continued studying the back of her hand, tracing small circles on the soft skin there.

  “We paddled. I was bickering with my brother, Xen. He kept telling me I hadn't packed my tent right and I was sick and tired of him complaining about me all the time. So I demanded that mom tell him to stop, but she took his side, said he was right. So while we were paddling, the whole day, I was pissed off. Seething. At everyone.” Her voice caught. “That sucked.”

  The bee spun a lazy circle around the flower and Luna watched it until her breath was back under control. “Then the wind came up. The waves rose and we hadn't made it to the island yet. Dad called it quits and we got in storm-formation and started knotting the boards together.”

  Beckett pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the knuckle and then replaced it to her lap.

  “It was a terrible storm. My dad and brothers were yelling orders at each other. Everything was desperate and tragic and it felt like the end. It lasted for so long, longer than I could bear it. My eyes were closed and I was screaming and then whoosh — a wave grabbed me and shoved me away. I felt the release. Like my knot had just let go.”

  “Oh god, Luna.”

  “I opened my eyes and I had my boards but also and—” She chewed her lip, her face screwed up as she tried to gain control over the wave of anguish. “There were about three other boards that were — three empty boards, Beckett.” She looked a long way away. “The wind was whipping and I was spinnin
g, and my whole family, some of them were in the water, some out, and then a big wave came and crashed on them while — I saw it all, in the flashes of lightning, and the glow of the sky, but it was so dark too. I know it doesn't make sense, but it was light enough to see it all and too dark to see anything. My dad was in the water and my brother was yelling and my mom was gone and my aunt and my cousin were kneeling and my uncle was clutching the side of — and—”

  Beckett gripped her hand so tightly, it hurt, but also kept her present. His knuckles were white with the holding. A cloud crossed the sun, but then puffed away causing the world to go too warm again.

  “I tried to paddle to them, but the waves pushed me farther away, and with all the extra boards I couldn't get there. I tried and tried. I didn't want to lose the boards because my family needed them. We wouldn't make it without the boards, but I couldn't paddle with them attached either and so — I kept trying.” She shook her head slowly from side to side. “And then in the spot that I was watching, there was nothing, no boards, and no family and I couldn't see anything. So — yeah.” Her eyes dropped to the ground. “That's what happened.”

  “Oh Luna.” Beckett put out his arm and she rolled into his chest and sobbed.

  He held her, kissed the top of her head, and whispered, “I love you,” and “I'm so sorry.” Finally, quietly, he asked, “Then what did you do?”

  “The storm wouldn't ever stop. I tied myself to my board and waited, churning and rolling and submerging and coming back up for hours until the storm broke. I spent the next three days searching for anyone who might have made it, but I knew they were gone. I paddled to the island, dragging all those boards, and sat there by myself for a long long time. Begging the universe to send them. And after a time I started paddling and found you.”

  “How long was that?”

  “About thirty-four days.”

  He kissed the top of her forehead and held her tighter. “You've been living with this for a long time.”

  She clutched his shirt twisting it. “I'll always live with it. I'll never forget it.”

  He nodded, his cheek rubbing on her hair.

  “Beckett, the rope. It was...”

  Beckett waited for her words but finally asked gently, “What about the rope?”

  Luna clamped her eyes shut. “It wasn't broken or torn or frayed. It was like it had just come undone. I know I knotted it, I'm sure I did. I—” She sobbed more, longer, harder, while Beckett rubbed his hands up and down her shoulder, kissing the top of her head, saying occasionally, shh, and oh god, and I'm so sorry and—

  Luna said, “That's why I have to ask...”

  She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, climbed off his chest, and knelt in front of his knees. Before he could even catch on to what was happening, she clutched his hands in his lap.

  She pressed her tear stained face to his knuckles. “I have to ask, do we have enough land to buy Dryden's brother's freedom?”

  “I don't—what? Damn Luna, it's—”

  “Do we have enough to land?” She turned her tear-stained, red-blotched, anguished face up to his.

  He nodded slowly.

  “Do we have enough land to buy the freedom of those twins? Or the orphan—”

  “We do, but—”

  “Or the younger brother of your friend from high school?”

  “Luna—”

  “Or the girl, Cindy, the one who is all alone?”

  “Luna you don't understand what you're asking.”

  “Do we have enough land?”

  “It's too much to ask, it's too much—”

  “I know it's too much. I understand that, but I'm not asking that, I'm asking if we have enough.” Tears rolled down Luna's face.

  He searched her eyes and then nodded.

  “Because I have to save them. I need to save them, and I need your help. Can you please, please, help me save them?”

  “Aw Luna.” Beckett curled down over her head, lips pressed into her hair.

  “I can't let them die. I have to. Do you understand? I have to.”

  “You don't even know them.”

  “I know their names. You know them. Beckett, I can't, please.”

  They sat quietly huddled while Beckett ran through all that she was asking. “The land is for our baby. To keep our baby safe.” He raised up again.

  Luna straightened up, wiped the back of her arms across her eyes, and returned to clutching his hands. “Beckett the water is coming. And I heard Chickadee telling Dilly about the fires, and now I can see it, the smoke, over there.” She gestured northeast. “And maybe there will be another flu, and the refugees need someplace to go, and we don't have any idea what our baby will need.”

  “I think the person with the most land wins.”

  “What if it's the person with the most medicine? Or the largest family? Or the most — I don't know, spit-balling here — boats.”

  Beckett stroked his fingers down her cheek. “I hear what you're saying but—”

  “It's just that you might not survive past tomorrow. I might not survive childbirth. Our baby might not live. We don't know what the future holds, so what is the land for?”

  Beckett shook his head. “Nothing, it's just money, in the bank.”

  “How can we let people die when we know we could save them?”

  “I can't, you're right, but also, Luna, someone has to fight the war.”

  “You did. You fought. Jeffrey fought. He died. And I sat here on the porch waiting, thinking you had died, crying, holding onto Chickadee while she sat in a dark room, afraid, and if I can keep one family from going through that... What are the statistics? If you're young, in the East, what are the chances you'll survive?”

  “Seven out of ten.”

  “Survive?”

  “No.”

  “Beckett, please.”

  Beckett thought for longer. About how he had been dropped in the East and made to fight with no end game. And how it was being said that the war was all a big ruse to cull the numbers of people, anyway. And how Jeffrey had been culled. And his own great grandfather had been the mayor of this community. And he had grown up with these people and—

  “It’s like an anchor Beckett. It’s dragging you down.”

  Beckett nodded, his eyes fixed on the horizon, his brow clouded over and stormy.

  “Please.”

  Finally after a long moment, Beckett gripped her hands. “Okay.”

  Luna looked up. “What?” Her eyes were red and swollen and her cheeks wet.

  He put a hand on each side of her face. “We'll pay their taxes.”

  “All of them?”

  “Yes, all of them.”

  “Will we have anything left?”

  “A tiny bit over behind the kitchen gardens back of the house...”

  “Do we have enough to keep Jeffrey's sister from having to go now that he's gone?”

  “Yes.” Beckett nodded slowly, searching her eyes.

  “Can we pay the taxes so Sarah can have a baby?”

  Beckett hung his head. “Yeah. We can do that.”

  “Will we have anything left?”

  “Our house. The kitchen gardens. I'll need to look at the property lines, if we plot it out maybe we can keep a barn.”

  Luna paused and pressed her cheek on his fingers. “Do you hate me?” She looked up to read his face when he answered.

  Beckett sadly shook his head. “Not at all.”

  He sat up straighter and ran a hand through his hair. “No, this is going to be all right. I mean, the Monarch Constellation is in the Breeze Constellation after all. We'll get through this. Besides, maybe I didn't need all that land. Most of it was unused, anyway, and what will the government do with it? Log it? Put refugees on it? Grow crops? The government is so overwhelmed that it might sit there doing nothing. So yeah, it's fine. We'll be okay.”

  Luna climbed up off her knees and sat beside him on the bench. “Would we get to keep this viewpoint?”


  “I don't see how, but it would probably take a lot of time and effort to build a fence to keep us out.”

  He clasped her hand. “It will take some getting used to, that I'm not a big land owner, but also, one less thing to worry about.” He gave her a sad smile. “Maybe we should start building boats.”

  “We're very far away from the coast.”

  “It's getting closer.”

  He put a hand on her stomach. He felt for a moment until the baby kicked where his palm was. He leaned down and spoke to the bulge that was their baby. “Your mother is going to save the lives of all these people. That's the kind of person she is. She doesn't even know them. She's a jumper and loves to splash. She has a heart as big as this mountain. And we're not hiding her away anymore. She deserves better than that.”

  Luna tucked her head on his shoulder. “Thank you Beckett.”

  “You're welcome.”

  They looked out over the side of the mountain, the valley dropping below the high noon sun, with a few fluffy clouds overhead.

  Luna said, “I want to marry you.”

  Beckett looked down at her face. “You do?”

  “Yes, I was trying to keep our life simple, like we were living on the water. But I love you more than that. You're bigger than that. And our family is growing. I just — if the offer still holds I'd like to.”

  “Yes, definitely it still holds.” He held her hand and then grinned and joked, “But you're sure? I'm not as rich as I was an hour ago.”

  “It's not the size of your land that I'm attracted to.”

  He raised his brow and smirked. “That's right, it's the size of my board.”

  “Yes, indeed.”

  “All right then, soon to be Mrs. Luna Stanford, we'll tell Chickadee and Dilly and they'll plan it. It can distract them from what I'm about to do.”

  Luna's stomach growled.

  Beckett kissed the top of her head. “Let's go save those lives.”

  Chapter 47

  Beckett began the resumed meeting with a proclamation that shocked them all. “I've changed my mind, Luna and I would like to help the young people on this list pay their service levy. From our land.”